February 1, 2105
(ANTIMEDIA) McDonald’s is desperately scrambling after a 15% decline in sales in 2014. Just last week the McDonald’s Board of Director’s announced that Don Thompson will be stepping down as CEO of the global fast food chain and will be replaced by the corporation’s current chief brand officer. Now they have another announcement that Ronald McDonald & Co. believe will help combat the waning financial productivity of the restaurant that gave us the Big Mac with a side of heart disease.
During today’s Super Bowl, McDonald’s plans on announcing a new program that reeks of pathetic hopelessness. From February 2nd to February 14th, customers can “Pay With Lovin‘”. Patrons who bravely venture through the Golden Arches will be randomly chosen to pay for their order with a selfie, high-five, fist pump, or some other ridiculous gesture that your insecure ex in high school, who was clamoring for the slightest bit of attention after you broke up with them, would read way too much into.
What McDonald’s fails to realize is that people have wised up. This isn’t a marketing or a price issue; that semi-digestible refuge is cheap enough already. No one wants to eat that crap anymore. The general population has woken up and decided that they love not having diabetes more than they do eating a McRib.
Ronald, it’s over between us bro. We’ve moved on and it’s time you accept that and do the same. Giving it away for free isn’t going to get us back. You’re just embarrassing yourself.
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